i am the queen of nonsense
Written by: Kamilla Eter - @_dollvified on instagram
i am the queen of nonsense
i don’t yet know the language of the world
i sit on my throne and i babble on about my passions and my beliefs
i throw my words like confetti
too many ideas that the world is not ready
say i should just swallow the pill
say that i should just smile and sit still
i sit still because i dont yet know the language of the world
my royal robes are sewn with the anger of every debate where i was told to wait
that women should only be serving dinner plates, yet again you dictate a woman’s place and i let you because i don’t yet know the language of the world
the world is a feeding hand that I bite at, that I claw at, that I gnaw at,
it takes and it takes and it takes and it leaves nothing.
It stuffs my mouth full of sweet sugar and apologies
it melts slowly from my tongue to my stomach.
I don’t forgive until I forget the sour flavour of my own voice.
i have to forgive because what’s my other choice?
nothing else is going to feed me.
The world is a royal ribbon that wraps me tightly in a pink bow, squeezing at my waist until I forget how to breathe
The world is a royal garden filled with roses that prick my fingers until they fall off and I forget how to use my hands.
The world is a grand wall for me to bang my head on violently, pleading for a warm embrace that never comes until I forget how to use my brain.
The world is a tutor that has taught me nothing but to stay silent, to not move and to not think.
and when i think i nearly understand the language of life, the language of the world, i remember that im still being treated differently to my peers.
i remember every time im being dismissed for my creative ideas
i remember every time everybody still loves and adores the man who hurt me
i remember every time i step into church and a priest smiles at me
i remember every time i have to remind myself to have my location on, to look behind myself at every turn and to avoid eye contact with every stranger with a drink in hand!
oh. but then again,
im the queen of nonsense. not of the world.
